Dating Mistress, Jerusalem

One NY/Jerusalem Jewish woman's journey after she discovered her husband's blog "documenting sexual tension within his marriage." HOO BOY, THE DRAMA IS JUST BEGINNING...

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Name:MRS. JERUSALEM DATING MASTER
Location:Jerusalem, Israel

I live in Jerusalem, am American, modern orthodox and love this wonderful exciting city... or did until I saw the seedy underbelly which lies just beyond the tasteful confines of our plywood-panelled computer/rec room

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Some Facts and Some Fantasies...


Now that I've learned how my husband the "dating master" likes to spice up reality with a little bit of fantasy... I thought I'd give everyone a "score" card... if you know what I mean...

Dating Master lives in Jerusalem... Fact

Dating Master eats fruit, sometimes at parties... Fact

Dating Master feels trapped in a sexless marriage of only 4 times a month... This is a fantasy.
Dating Master's erectile dysfunction does provide us with 4 times a month at best, true, but it is not through lack of trying on my part. I even wear the little French Maid's outfits he brings home from Ben Yehuda street. But a girl can only do so much. You can't shoot pool with 5 inches of twine.

Dating Master is often approached by attractive strangers, who would willingly take him home, but for his love for me... yeah right.

Dating Master's wife is always in a bad mood because of her birth control pills, confirmed by her gynecologist... Fantasy. Dating Master's wife has mood swings because I installed a keystroke logger on our home computers and some nights I find things I wasn't expecting to see from my husband who says he only goes online to read Godol Hador.

Dating Master goes on the internet looking for women so he can find solutions to leave his marriage... Could be fact, could be fantasy. All I know is there's a full kleenex box in his home office when I go upstairs to bed, and about half a box when I come down the next morning... and my bottle of hand lotion is never quite where I left it. You tell me.

Dating Master only lasts a maximum of 7 minutes in the act of love before having to call it a night... Sadly, a fact.

59 Comments:

Blogger CameraDawktor said...

Is this a seriously true story...because if it's not your a very good storyteller....

Are you devestated to find these things out about your husband....

or did you suspect and that's why you installed a keystroke monitor?

Anyway, I'm sad that you are feeling so much pain!!

Tuesday, March 07, 2006 7:57:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

wow your dates are so ahead of yourself. interesting

Tuesday, March 07, 2006 10:36:00 AM  
Blogger BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

Either this is truly sad, or it is an act of pure genius, whoever set it up!

I rather doubt you are Dating Mistress's wife, but I adore the humor!!

Tuesday, March 07, 2006 2:51:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

barbara you adore humor this shithead is giving everyone? shame

Tuesday, March 07, 2006 3:24:00 PM  
Blogger Dating Mistress, Jerusalem said...

Barbara:

Thanks for dropping in!

Yes, it IS truly sad, and Mr. DatingMaster (who thinks he's a genius) forgot that his computer browser has "history" turned on.

*sigh* Seven Minutes...what a pathetic jerk.

Thanks for your sympathy.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006 3:24:00 PM  
Blogger sonia said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006 3:38:00 PM  
Blogger BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

As much as I think this blog is funny, I must take a moment to pause and comment on a rather serious note.

Whoever is behind all of these blogs, I am assuming you are a fellow Jew, is putting Jews in a bad light. We appear to be a group of people who are rude, mean, pushy and nasty. Is this the image that you want to give to the world?

Is it not the case that we have enough people hating us? Do we have to spill such hatred towards each other?

Although I appreciate the humor, it is at a large price for us Jews.
Just a thought...

Tuesday, March 07, 2006 4:18:00 PM  
Blogger Y.Y. said...

cmon this blog and all the others you run are a waste of my time
bye now

Tuesday, March 07, 2006 4:35:00 PM  
Anonymous The correct answer said...

Can't you all see its suppose to be a Purim Parody!

Tuesday, March 07, 2006 6:12:00 PM  
Blogger Dating Mistress, Jerusalem said...

what is real? what is fake?

when a person says, "oh baby! you're the best I've ever had!" (if you know what I mean) in the heat of your 7 minutes of passion - is that real or fake?

Not that there's anything wrong with that


Barbara - this site goes down (if you know what I mean) on the 15th of Adar... maybe you can convince my more serious counterpart to do the same ;)


correct - you are correct. You win a pineapple-filled hamentasch (if you know what I mean) at my fruit party!

Tuesday, March 07, 2006 6:29:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

why is it that jews always have to say they are jews? are they not just people like everyone else?

Tuesday, March 07, 2006 8:08:00 PM  
Anonymous s said...

Yes, we are all just people. With both simularities and differences.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006 8:28:00 PM  
Blogger rockofgalilee said...

i think this is great.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006 9:45:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok... This is the most pathetic thing I have ever witnessed! DM was bad enough! But now his wife too!!!!!!!!!!!!! SAVE US ALL!!!!

Tuesday, March 07, 2006 10:06:00 PM  
Blogger Pragmatician said...

Quite funny actually.
Will you get 400 comments on ths blog too DM?We'll see.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006 12:09:00 AM  
Blogger Datingmaster, Jerusalem said...

this si absouiltely wonderful-keep up the good work dating mistress

Wednesday, March 08, 2006 12:42:00 AM  
Blogger ifyouwillit said...

Be it a pardoy, or the real thing, this is the best piece of blogging I have read in a long time.

Thanks for stopping by at my blog.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006 12:45:00 AM  
Blogger Datingmaster, Jerusalem said...

honey you have gone too far -yesterday we had sex for 12 minutes-all time best

Wednesday, March 08, 2006 1:17:00 AM  
Anonymous datingmistressjerusalem said...

Dear DMJ -

12 minutes...ho hum.

The mirrored ceiling you installed gave me a clear view of your back.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006 1:46:00 AM  
Blogger Datingmaster, Jerusalem said...

MRS DM -this is completely out of control
now I will tell the world everything about you!

Wednesday, March 08, 2006 1:48:00 AM  
Blogger Datingmaster, Jerusalem said...

MRS DM ,tell everyone why your father gave me $6000 cash on Friday
-in afew hours I will give you the post of a lifetime, I will tell everyhting about you Shoshans, yes I am naming names Shoshana Ruth

Wednesday, March 08, 2006 1:52:00 AM  
Blogger Datingmaster, Jerusalem said...

honey you have gone too far now on my site I will teach you the lesson of your life and you can forget it-I aint doing the dishes no more!

Wednesday, March 08, 2006 2:52:00 AM  
Blogger Datingmaster, Jerusalem said...

EVERYONE COME OVER TO MY SITE FOR THE TRUTH
MRS DM HAS GONE TOO FAR WITH HER OWN BLOGSITE. HONEY, I AINT WASHING THE DISHES NO MORE, FORGET ME TAKING OUT THE GARBAGE AND BURPING THE BABY

Wednesday, March 08, 2006 3:10:00 AM  
Blogger Datingmaster, Jerusalem said...

barbara- i set it up-i am the genius

Wednesday, March 08, 2006 4:21:00 AM  
Blogger Datingmaster, Jerusalem said...

Honey i just spoke to BIFEM and I told her all about what you are doing on this site-she said she will call anonymous and the cops

Wednesday, March 08, 2006 4:29:00 AM  
Blogger Dating Mistress, Jerusalem said...

Darling, keep taking credit for my words as much as you want... you don't have the password and you don't have the spelling skills...

it can't all be accounted for by your unfortunate habit of typing with one hand

Wednesday, March 08, 2006 6:03:00 AM  
Blogger Caraf said...

Oh Sweetness
I love you Dating Mistress
I suggest you dump DM
and have an affair with me!!!!

;)

*switches on Marvin Gaye's

LETS GET IT ON.....

Wednesday, March 08, 2006 6:20:00 AM  
Blogger sirreene said...

I haven't read the "other" blog for days as I cannot believe such nonsense but this is a very funny response.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006 6:30:00 AM  
Blogger Datingmaster, Jerusalem said...

Mrs DM if you continue this nonsense then I'm not changing anymore of those baby diapers and dinner at El Gaucho restaurant tonight is off

Wednesday, March 08, 2006 6:37:00 AM  
Blogger Miranda said...

Lol Caraf - you go girl...help pick up the pieces.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006 6:41:00 AM  
Blogger Dating Mistress, Jerusalem said...

That's another thing. I am really, really sad that you still wear diapers. I'm pretty shocked you're willing to admit it in front of so many people. Then again, they say that admitting you have a problem is the first step toward healing. So maybe this is a Good Thing.


I will add, though, that if you refuse to change into a fresh one, El Gaucho would refuse to seat you so I'm pretty sure the point would be moot

Wednesday, March 08, 2006 6:43:00 AM  
Blogger Datingmaster, Jerusalem said...

OK MRs dM-youve gone too far,now I am going to tell everyone the truth about your huge breassts
yes its silicon everybody
silicon
yes nice frum girls have boob jos
there you go Mrs DM

Wednesday, March 08, 2006 7:13:00 AM  
Blogger Datingmaster, Jerusalem said...

nice frum girls have boob jobs too see Mrs DM

Wednesday, March 08, 2006 7:14:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

DM -don't humor her. It just encourages to more aggression.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006 7:16:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006 7:27:00 AM  
Blogger Richard Rasputin said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006 9:01:00 AM  
Blogger Richard Rasputin said...

Very creative but your masculinity was obvious in your writing style -- even as your identity-disordered alter ego "wife."

Jeesh! This is further proof you have too much time you use on this stuff and not enough on serious work! But thank you for the interesting entertainment. Shalom.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006 9:08:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006 9:15:00 AM  
Blogger Dating Mistress, Jerusalem said...

commenters, play nice.

this isn't DM's site. DatingMistress don't play that.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006 9:40:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What the heck is a Frum?

Wednesday, March 08, 2006 10:21:00 AM  
Blogger Hernesto G said...

hahahahahaha datingmaster you are insane... great stunt, one for the books...

Wednesday, March 08, 2006 3:36:00 PM  
Blogger Dating Mistress, Jerusalem said...

aw, thx :)

but it's not Datingmaster behind this... guess again...

Wednesday, March 08, 2006 6:08:00 PM  
Blogger Datingmaster, Jerusalem said...

honey you are not smart enough to set up your own blog-my guess is you had outside help from that dude Jackshack-normally he has 20 posts aday, now he is down to 10 per day
that is proof
alternatively its Jamal, Frum idealist although he is too boring for this so who could it be?
Jeru Guru-no he is too self-centred
barbara-not technical
Frumgirl-no she is too shy to use words like that
Prag-no he is a tsadik
so I put my money on Jackshack or Jamal or maybe LABRAB

Thursday, March 09, 2006 12:28:00 AM  
Blogger Datingmaster, Jerusalem said...

Honey you are scoring more comments than my site
EVERYONE COME OVER TO MY SITE TO SPECUALTE WHO HAS BEEN HELPIN GMY WIFE WITH THIS SITE-MAYBE BIFEM?

Thursday, March 09, 2006 12:37:00 AM  
Blogger Datingmaster, Jerusalem said...

ANDE EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW YOUR WONDERFUL PERFECT NOSE, WELL ITS ALL THANKS TO A VERY EXPENSIVE PLASTIC SURGEON !

Thursday, March 09, 2006 1:00:00 AM  
Blogger ~ Sarah ~ said...

v. amusing

Thursday, March 09, 2006 3:03:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

DatingMaster. You need help!

Thursday, March 09, 2006 4:10:00 AM  
Blogger Datingmaster, Jerusalem said...

honey after Purim please email me the password for this site and the google email to
noarachel@yahoo
please dont delete this blog
i will enjoy continuing it very much

Thursday, March 09, 2006 5:12:00 AM  
Blogger Dating Mistress, Jerusalem said...

sorry, sweetcakes... after the hols this site goes down

unlike you.


sigh.

Thursday, March 09, 2006 6:49:00 AM  
Blogger Datingmaster, Jerusalem said...

maybe we can do adeal_you name your price
its just too good to give up

Thursday, March 09, 2006 7:51:00 AM  
Blogger Datingmaster, Jerusalem said...

tell me if this is Jameel or Jackshack?

Thursday, March 09, 2006 7:52:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

DM you need to seriously shut up about BiFEM its boring me to death

Thursday, March 09, 2006 8:41:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Im just still wondering what the heck a frum is. anyone?

Thursday, March 09, 2006 8:54:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

frum is ultra orthodox jewish

Thursday, March 09, 2006 12:02:00 PM  
Anonymous sharona said...

I'm frum but in between modern and ultra

Thursday, March 09, 2006 4:57:00 PM  
Blogger Roonie said...

You can't shoot pool with 5 inches of twine.

You are brilliant. Leave his ass. You're too smart for him.

Thursday, March 09, 2006 7:44:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

For all to know!!!!!
THIS BLOG IS DONE BY NO OTHER THEN JBF!!!!!!

Friday, March 10, 2006 9:03:00 AM  
Blogger Dating Mistress, Jerusalem said...

Nope. I don't even know what/who "JBF" is.

Nice to know you're curious, though. Have a lemon-cream-filled hamentasch. If you know what I mean.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006 8:25:00 AM  
Anonymous Mr Pedantic said...

Silicon yyou say DM, really? Ouch!!!

Sil·i·con
Pronunciation Key (sl-kn, -kn)
n. Symbol Si
A nonmetallic element occurring extensively in the earth's crust in silica and silicates, having both an amorphous and a crystalline allotrope, and used doped or in combination with other materials in glass, semiconducting devices, concrete, brick, refractories, pottery, and silicones. Atomic number 14; atomic weight 28.086; melting point 1,410°C; boiling point 2,355°C; specific gravity 2.33; valence 4

Friday, March 31, 2006 5:12:00 AM  

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